I've Moved!

After a very short period of time, I've decided to move...Please come see me at

www.wisdomwalking.net

I'll see you there!

The Power of Change

My husband is a writer, among other things. He would tell you that his is a gift that doesn’t come naturally – that he has to work at perfecting his verse and prose. I have, in fact, had the opportunity to witness his writing processes …he’ll construct a rough draft, read it, edit it constantly, look up new words to replace well-worn expressions, try to eliminate clichés, trying techniques and methods that no other writer would try. In effect, he has developed his own style that is unlike anything I’ve ever read before. (When he begins publishing his work, I will make sure you know when it comes out so you can see what I’m talking about for yourself.)

My husband has been writing for over ten years. It hasn’t always been easy for him, but he’s a self-motivator so setbacks haven’t really got the best of him. To help him stay motivated, he reads – A LOT! One of his favorite authors is Og Mandino, author of books like The Greatest Salesman In The World, The Greatest Secret In The World, and The Greatest Miracle In The World. If you haven’t read any of his works, I highly recommend them. They are easy to read, and the wisdom is powerful! My husband has read these books and has really taken the wisdom to heart.

As I recently perused The Greatest Salesman In The World, I came upon the following quote:

If I feel depressed I will sing.

If I feel sad I will laugh.

If I feel ill I will double my labour.

If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.

If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.

If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.

If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.

If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.

If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.

Today I will be the master of my emotions.

Mastering my emotions is one of the hardest tasks I’ve ever tried to do, but it’s so worth it. When I intently do it, my marriage relationship flows better, my relationship with my daughter grows, I can better empathize with my friends. When I don’t master my emotions, things go awry, because very often, my feelings lie to me and I base my actions off the lie. The result? Anger, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, bitterness, resentment, self-defense, you name it.

So I offer Og’s quote to you. Mastering emotions entails change. But with change comes growth, and with growth comes greater peace, love, and joy. I truly believe this. I hope you believe it as well.

Mistakes ARE Opportunities!

As most of you can see, I am new to blogging, so I do a lot of research on the subject. One of my favorite blogging sites is Pro Blogger by Darren Rowse. I was reading his “18 Lessons I’ve Learnt about Blogging,” in which he stated,

“Learn to see mistakes as opportunities.”

This statement resonates with me, since I make mistakes often. However, I am learning to really take that piece of advice to heart. Seriously.

As a teacher, I do really well with making mistakes. Not in the sense that I’m a bad teacher (not that I’m bragging or anything; I just really enjoy what I do). I try to stay abreast of my subject matter (biblical studies) and gauge what’s appropriate for high school students to learn. I try to discover better ways of delivering content in an engaging way. Nevertheless, it is necessary for me to help my students understand that in order to learn something, I can’t spoon feed them. I want my students to ask questions – questions that may make them feel uncomfortable at times – so I try to teach in a way that encourages students to really think.

In an effort to accomplish all these objectives, I experiment (mind you, I also experiment so as to not get bored with my own self, which is probably the real reason I do it). I devise new projects from year to year. I find and use different handouts that might suit my purposes. I try to find better textbooks to use (which can be difficult when trying to find a good biblical studies textbook for high school students). I try different assessment (test-taking/giving) techniques. Sometimes I will try a different type of project, and it will work very well. Sometimes the projects I assign bomb. They may actually end up in a stink-pile. I MAKE MISTAKES! OFTEN! But my philosophy on it is this: if I don’t try, I’ll never know if it’s valuable or not for my students. And if it does bomb, my students, if no one else, will forgive me.

As a wife, I do quite well in the mistake-making business. In other words, I make many, and as a result, I often feel inadequate as a wife. But I’m starting to understand that while I may not agree with what my spouse does or says, I have to stop making the same mistake of “I have to show him I’m right and he’s wrong.” And that takes a lot of effort (and humility), especially in the heat of the moment.

Am I saying that it’s necessary to be a doormat? Not by any stretch of the imagination. However, I do believe that it’s necessary to pick your battles. If I determine the battle is not worth it, then in my mind I have to tell myself, “K-Wiz, get over it. Suck it up. You may not agree with what just happened, or what led up to the incident, or what he said, or what he did, but your marriage relationship is more important and has more value than being right.” Unfortunately, it sometimes takes me awhile to tell myself that very thing. Nevertheless, I found some encouragement in this from Momentum Performance Development in an article entitled “Are You A Right-Fighter?” The author of the article states,

“If you have found that you may have some qualities of a right- fighter, don't start beating yourself up, begin working on it! You are a wonderful and lovable person with far more positive qualities than negative... this is certain! This habit does NOT have to define you. You are capable of releasing this habit at any time (please seek help if you need it, a partner in change is always a wonderful gift to yourself and your family!). Acknowledging your habit of right-fighting and becoming aware when you are engaging in this habit is the
first, most important step in leading a more successful and happy life.”

As vulnerable as it makes me feel, I am consciously and officially acknowledging I am a “right-fighter.” In spite of this, though, I will consider myself, as the article states, “a wonderful and lovable person with far more positive qualities than negative...a wonderful gift” to myself and my family. It’s a great article. Read it. You have the opportunity, no matter what has happened, to consider yourself a great and wonderful gift to you and your loved ones.

My Weight Challenge - Update

I'm back...exams are going on this week, but I can take a little breather from grading papers and exams. I least for a moment...As of Friday, I'm off for two weeks!!!

I stated last week that I am on a quest to lost 15 pounds by the end of March, 2007. Well, it's only been a few days since that post...and I can't say I've lost any weight. However, I did do a couple of things that I believe will help me on my way to my goal.

First, I started drinking more water. My husband gets on me about this often, and he is absolutely right for doing so. When I drink more water, I feel better overall because I'm eliminating much better (I hope that doesn't gross you out, but it's the truth). When I eliminate regularly, I don't tend to pack on weight. Now, I'm not drinking eight glasses a day, but I'm getting there.

Second, I started taking a multi-vitamin daily. It's only been three days since I've started, but I figure if I can give my daughter a vitamin each day, it should be easy to take one myself at the same time.

Third, I'm trying to get myself prepared for eating during this Christmas season. I found a very good article, "Avoid the Gift of Holiday Weight Gain." So instead of gaining weight during this season, my goal is to continue to drink more water, eliminate more, take my vitamin daily, and NOT GAIN ANY WEIGHT! As Jennifer R. Scott says in the article, "Simply staying the same weight will be a great accomplishment."

Here's to great accomplishments!

I'll Be Back!

Please forgive me...One of the great things about teaching where I teach is there is a great amount of flexibility in what I do. That flexibility allows me to teach the way I feel is best for my students, to cover what I feel is most relevant, to assess what I feel is most important.

That flexibility, however, has one or two drawbacks, one of which I am dealing with right now. It is almost time for exams, and I need to create two exams. Now I could choose to recycle questions from previous tests, and I suppose that would be the easiest thing to do. But I choose not to do it that way because it fosters this attitude in the student that all they need to do is study questions from previous tests to do well on the final, and that, to me, does not demonstrate comprehension of, or the ability to synthesize and apply, the material.

What that means is that for the next couple of days, I may not be able to post any entries to my blog, and I feel terribly about that. I am enjoying this process, as seeing my thoughts in the blogosphere causes me to really think about the issues that I'm writing about. It is causing me to be a little bit more reflective and intentional.

What that also means is that I really ought to rethink my philosophy of not recycling questions! I'm exhausted! But if I am able to return before Monday, I will consider it an honor and privilege for myself...In any event, I will return no later than Monday, Dec. 11th.

Weight for me! Weight for me! Weight for me!

Yes, weight for me! Weight has been a big (pun intended) issue most of my life. When I was young, my mom called me "thunder thighs" because they were large. It wasn't until I was a freshman in college that I realized the thunder was actually muscle! You ask, "how in the world could you not have known that your thighs were muscular?" Easy. In a world that measures beauty in a pencil-thin mold, my thighs didn't fit. And while I know now that they didn't fit because they weren't supposed to, as a teenager already insecure because the inability to see clearly required me to wear "coke bottle" glasses and my front teeth were on par with Bugs Bunny's, it didn't matter that my thighs weren't supposed to be like pencil-thin models' were.

So I finally got a grip and began to understand more about my own body type, which helped me understand that being 5'5" and 150-155 pounds is actually ideal for me. For me, carrying that amount of weight means I'm about a size 10. And I feel tremendous! And for me, that's perfect!

Well, I'm 15 pounds over that range right now. And I feel like crap, actually. It's not like I don't know what to do. I've been in my ideal range - several times, actually. So now I'm back up. I can't keep doing this. I'm 42 years old. My cholesterol is high. I contracted gestational diabetes when I was pregnant, and my father is a Type-2 diabetic, so my risk for developing Type-2 diabetes is high. Those are great reasons to begin TODAY to do something about my health, which will take care of my weight.

I have two other reasons, though, for getting my health in order - my husband and my daughter. My husband is an avid worker-outer. He's not excessive by any means; he tries to do something everyday. My daughter sees him doing push-ups, crunches, squats - and she imitates him. She can do more crunches than I can! And everytime I watch them (while I'm sitting on the couch) I feel guilty.

Well, clearly, no wisdom is being exercised here! That goes completely against what my mission is - to acquire and practice wisdom! So here's a challenge to myself. For me, my husband, and my daughter, I am setting a goal to lose 15 pounds by March 31, 2007. There. It's out there for all to see.

I'll provide weekly updates on Mondays to let y'all know how I'm doing. Wisdom is crying out to me, saying, "Take care of yourself!" I am making a commitment to do so.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

My 2½ year old daughter, A., is full of personality. She is so much incredible fun and, in general, a happy “big girl.” Right now, she is in that independent stage where she wants to do everything for herself, saying to me when I want to help her with something (especially when I’m rushing), “You do it next time.”

Frequently, though, when she is trying to do something, it won’t work quite the way she wants it to work, and she’ll give up – quickly. It’s like she loses confidence that she has the capability to complete the task.

Now I believe in my heart that what she’s experiencing is a toddler thing and she’ll outgrow it. But even now, I don’t want my daughter thinking she can’t do something (within reason). I want her to have a healthy sense that she is capable of doing anything she sets her mind to if she wants. So this summer, I bought her the book The Little Engine That Could. It looked like a book she’d be interested in, with the beautiful color illustrations and all.

When I opened up the book to read it, however, her interest was not in the message of this wonderful book at all. She was intrigued by the illustrations of the smoke coming out of the stacks of the illustrated trains. And she pointed to each train’s smoke and said, “What’s that?” I’d answer, “Smoke from the train.” And she’d ask again, “What’s that?” I’d answer...She asked...I answered...Over and over and over again.

Last night when I asked A. to pick a book to read before bedtime, she picked The Little Engine That Could. This time, I was able to read the entire book while she sat in my lap, even while she pointed to each train’s smoke coming out of its stack. The little train, when asked by the toys to take them to the other side of the mountain where they were being waited on by boys and girls who lived over there, said, as she climbed the mountain with the toys and food, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...” And at the end of the train’s journey, when she completed the task she set out to do, she said, “I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could...” Evidently, she had it in her mind that she could accomplish the undertaking in spite of her limitations. She took the first step. She continued on. She overcame her fears. Before long, the mission was complete. It is this mindset I pray my A. to have. That with God’s help, she can do anything she sets her mind to.

But she’s 2½! And I’m 42. And I know I’ve let my fears get the best of me often. But even though I’m not yet there, I know that as I continue to acquire knowledge (albeit in the darndest places, like children’s books, which are the best for keeping great messages simple), I’ll continue to grow. And I’ll be able to say just like that little engine, “I thought I could, I thought I could...”

Teacher Torture

At the moment, I am trying to finish constructing a test for my ninth grade Old Testament classes. And if there is nothing I'd rather do, next to grading tests, it's making them up. I try to ensure that my tests are not merely a regurgitation of material; that, in fact, the students really have to think to generate good responses.

Here's the thing - how about I generate a good test so that my students can generate good responses! At the moment, I don't feel I'm doing a very good job with that. In fact, I don't feel I am doing a very good job teaching at all this academic year.

I have had a few careers in my 40+ years of life. I spent several years in corporate sales, obtained an M.B.A., went back into corporate sales, sensed my "calling" to teach, left corporate America, went to seminary and obtained another Master's degree, and now I'm teaching high school students. If you had told me when I was in college that I'd be teaching, let alone teaching Bible in a high school, I would have laughed in your face loudly and told you you were nuts (like you wouldn't have been able to figure out that I was thinking that about you through my "in-your-face" laughter). And now here I am. Writing a test on topics in Torah at midnight the night (morning) before it's due! And doing a pretty poor job at it.

I've heard the saying, "If you can't do anything else, go into teaching" (or something like that), like teaching is the "blow-off" thing you do when other jobs don't go quite right. In fact, teaching is probably the hardest job I've ever had. It's different each day. The students - adolescents - are different each day. The emotional energy required to pull it off each day, whether prepared or not, is immense. Not to mention having to be knowledgeable in my field, seeking to ensure I'm up to date on the latest and greatest. My God! (To say that is not taking God's name in vain, in my informed opinion.) No wonder I'm looking so forward to the Christmas holiday!

But first I have to get through this test...And the final exams the following week. For anybody out there who thinks teaching is a piece of cake - go visit a classroom someday. It is probably the most humbling thing I've ever done. Because if I ever think I've arrived, then I've done my students a disservice.

Teaching...the best profession (next to parenting) in the world.

Teaching Our Children's Souls

Since my daughter began to talk, I have been encouraging her to talk to God. As a mother who is Christian, I am very concerned with how to talk with my daughter about God without all the "church-speak" and technical religious jargon and cliches church people seem to use at times. I want my daughter to know who God is, who Jesus is, but I want her to learn in an authentic way. At the moment, she is not asking about God, but for me, I want to nurture that especially important part of who she is - her spirit and soul.

I subscribe to a weekly public radio program called "Speaking of Faith." I just finished listening to last week's program entitled "The Spirituality of Parenting." The general question being posed is "How do we cultivate spiritual awareness in our family's everyday life?" I found the program to be very useful, and if you are concerned about the same types of issues, I highly recommend it. You can listen to the audio program anytime directly from their website. Just click on the link above, "Teaching Our Children's Souls," which will take you directly to the webpage. Or you can go to the main page of "Speaking of Faith" at http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/.

Helping my daughter develop her language skills and fine motor skills are very important. But for my husband and me, helping her develop a sense of the God in her is even more important. Because in my mind, intellect and talent can get you only so far...

Lessons I Learn From My Daughter

I've determined babies are the most incredible of all God's creations. It took me almost 40 years to realize that, since it took just that long to have one (by choice). After 39½ years of life, along with 14½ weeks of complete bedrest during my pregnancy (most of that hospitalized), the birth of my dear Avia resulted in a complete shift in the way I looked at my life. In fact, I would frequently say to people after her birth, “I really don’t know what I did with the first 40 years of my life,” because when I gazed into the face of my daughter, the first 40 years of my life seemed so insignificant and incomplete.

I have learned so much from A. Her presence in my life has changed me (I would like to think for the better). It may sound a bit cliché, but one of the lessons I have learned from her is the need to exercise much patience.

As A. has moved into toddler-hood, her need for independence grows each day. Daily she says, “Let it go, I’ll do it!” “Let me do it, Mommy.” “You can do it next time, Mommy.” “Don't help me, Mommy.” So as I’m trying to get her to brush her teeth faster in the morning by attempting to take her toothbrush and guide her with my hand, she cries and whines saying, “I’ll do it!” at which point I let her continue brushing her teeth, albeit slow as molasses. Because trying to force her to brush her teeth the way I brush mine would lead to chaos and hurt feelings, and that’s a terrible way to start the day.

A. picks the best times to learn and explore – like when it’s time for us to leave for work every morning, especially when I’m running late most mornings. I open her door and say, “Come on, Avia, let’s go, we’re running late...” She really doesn’t care we’re late; all she wants to do is point to something in the car and name it so that she can further prove she is a “big girl” for recalling something or learning something new. So I have to try to convince her to get in the car by saying, “If you don’t get in the car, A., I’m going to have to help you.” That is usually enough motivation for her to move a little faster, maybe slightly faster than molasses.

As I have reflected on these “A. moments,” I’ve concluded that A. does everything s-l-o-w-l-y. It’s not that she doesn’t know how to do something – she just takes her sweet time. She’s not malicious about it...she just does things at a pace that is not like mine. In fact, it is more in line with my husband’s pace! Couldn’t she have inherited something from me?

What I am learning, though, is that if I try to usurp her way of doing things all the time, she may become stifled and withdraw. I must be patient and allow her to do things the way she feels comfortable doing them (within reason and within boundaries, of course). If I let A. be A. and do things the way she seems to be inclined to do them at times, then maybe I’m helping her develop her sense of identity and giving her permission to be who she is, even though she doesn’t do things the way I would. Maybe. I guess I’ll find out...someday. And hopefully this patience thing will pay off!