Is Forgiveness Really Possible? Featuring Grey's Anatomy!

Grey's Anatomy is my favorite show this year by far. I love the relationship dynamics, although I am really not a fan of Grey and McDreamy getting back together. As I've watched the show over the past year, my favorite characters have changed. I sort of liked Meredith Grey at first, but it soon became evident she was addicted to drama, and I really am attempting to eliminate the drama from my own life, so I had to release her from my "favorites."

I cycled around to Cristina because I liked her dry sense of humor, but the way she has handled the situation with Burke and his tremor sort of caused me to look at her a bit differently. Indeed, there are some definite power issues, but caring as well, going on in the Cristina/Burke camp.

I have really enjoyed Callie's character, because on tap is a woman who Hollywood probably considers to be plus-sized (the name of their world is probably impronouncible anyway, so who cares what they think), but is absolutely normal-sized and beautiful. She is confident about who she is, evidenced by the episode in which the Chief catches her in her underwear living in the hospital somewhere, and she decides that she isn't going to dress as she sits and chats with him.

My absolute favorite, though, is Miranda Bailey. I loved her at the beginning when she was a driven chief resident surgeon, but I especially love her now that she has become a mother. Her character has sprouted dimensions, and I look forward to how the dimensions will play out each week.

This week, Miranda is dealing with betrayal and forgiveness. Cristina was forced to let the cat out of the bag last week and told the chief that Burke had been performing surgeries with herself as his right hand (literally). When his hand trembled, Burke would give Cristina a sign, and she would assist him, working techniques for which interns were not qualified. And since Cristina is Miranda's intern, the secret was finally disclosed to Miranda tonight. Needless to say, Miranda was hot! Her anger seemed to consume her, as she demanded that the Chief inflict judgment on Burke and Cristina. Surprisingly, the Chief wouldn't have it that way. And so Miranda decided to take matters into her own hands. She gave Cristina what seemed to have been a choice surgical assignment, but in reality it wasn't; the best case of the day went to the other interns, and Miranda felt she was giving Cristina what she deserved.

At the end of the episode, Miranda and the Chief demanded to know why Burke and Cristina were not punished for engaging in their scheme for so long. But clearly, Burke is experiencing inner turmoil, as it appears that he lost his opportunity to become Chief of Surgery, and that's what he's been working toward his entire career. Cristina's intern "friends" are ignoring her and treating her like dung. Cristina and Burke's relationship is on the rocks. Surely, their insides must be tearing at them. So why does Miranda insist on the wrath of the universe to be inflicted upon them? Would you feel Miranda has a right to expect punishment to be inflicted on them?

Clearly, Grey's Anatomy fans know Miranda was betrayed by her interns on more than one occasion (if you are not a Grey's Anatomy fan, I highly recommend the show. It airs on Thursday evenings at 9:00pm on ABC). That feeling of anger that arrived with betrayal has not yet been resolved for Miranda. As I reflect on my own life, when I was hurt or betrayed by someone, I wanted that person who hurt me to join me in my feelings of pain and inadequacy. That's the only way I could make myself feel good at the time. Like lots of crabs in a barrel. After awhile, though, I realized that the "vindication" I felt I deserved wasn't going to come knocking on my door. I felt I was the doormat, with the stepee wiping his feet and moving on.

And so I go back to yesterday evening's post and ask the question, "Is forgiveness really possible?" It appears that Miranda's answer to this question is "NO!" But really, what purpose does it serve us to hold a grudge? Does holding a grudge and remaining angry toward someone add any more years to our lives? Would it improve the quality of your own life if you didn't release someone from the penalty of the transgression they imposed upon you? Betrayal and pain fuel unforgiveness. But if you harbor this unforgiveness, making a place for it at your table, you will eventually end up sick. And the sickness, because the hurt and pain haven't been dealt with, can end up badly. Why take the chance? Think about it. Loose that man or woman from that yoke you've placed upon him. Take that step - make that choice. Forgive.

So, when will Miranda let go of the burden of this betrayal? Stay tuned...

Is Forgiveness Really Possible?

Anyone who teaches knows how challenging the job of teaching can be. One of the classes I teach is a year-long New Testament class with high school seniors. The fact that these students are trying to prepare and submit college applications around this time of the year, coupled with the fact that they are forced to take the course in order to graduate, makes my job even more challenging. While the school I teach at is a "Christian" school, it is primarily known for its academics, so young people of all faith traditions, or no faith tradition, attend. To be forced to take Bible - who would've thunk it?

I tend to think my classes are a little more tolerable because I like to integrate a lot of discussion in my lessons. At the moment, we are going through the Gospel of Matthew, where we came upon the following passage in Matthew 18:21-22:

Then Peter came and said to [Jesus], "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As
many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "No seven times,
but, I tell you, seventy-seven times."

I was waiting for the response, and like clockwork, it came... “There is no way you can forgive everyone for everything. People sometimes do things that are unforgivable.” “Yes, it may seem that way, but Jesus is telling Peter that in the context of church, forgiveness is an unending proposition; in other words, forbearance and mercy must reign over one’s desire to inflict judgment or to insist someone owes you something just because they wronged you in some way,” I replied. Do I really believe this? Yes. Is it an attainable goal? I believe so. Is it easy and instant? By no means. But, then again, no one ever said life would be a bed of roses either.

Sometimes, I find it helpful to open up to high school students about my own experiences to let them see I am a human being – not in an attempt to be their friend, but to let them know they can be safe in my classroom. So what happens in 311, stays in 311. I shared an experience I had with my mom right before she passed away after a 6-year fight with lung cancer four months ago on July 26th. It is a long story, and some day, I’ll figure out how to share it with you, but bottom line, she released my brother Bill of a debt that he may very well have owed her. He stole from her, he lied to her, he cussed her out, but she wouldn’t let go of life until she heard his voice. He’s incarcerated, so I had to arrange for him to call at a particular time while I was at the hospital with her. On the morning of July 26th, he called my mom’s cell phone, I put the phone up to her ear, and I heard him say things like, “I’m sorry Mom. It’s not your fault. You did the best you could. You did everything you could for me.” Up until this time, her heart was beating so very strong; the nurses didn’t know what she was waiting for, since her body had shut down and she was no longer responsive. Five minutes after I closed the phone, her heartbeat became fainter and fainter, and she immediately passed away.

I determined she was waiting to let her son know that she forgave him for all he had done and all that he put her through during the last 25 years of her life. She hadn’t seen him since before Thanksgiving 2005, and Bill didn’t know how sick she had become. But in my mind, I believe with my heart that she wanted him to know that she held no grudges. She didn’t want him to have a heavy heart. She had more compassion for her son at the end of her life than she was probably capable of before.

But here’s a thought...some might say that a mother’s love transcends a child’s transgressions, so it’s easier to forgive your child. I have a 2 ½ year old, so I can’t say her offenses have amounted to anything worth having to forgive at all (I hope and pray it never happens – but how realistic is that?). But what about those instances in which a hurt was inflicted so deep that you thought you’d never recover? What about those instances in which your husband or boyfriend beat you? What other situations have you encountered where you don’t want to forgive because the sin against you is so egregious? Can we honestly say we can forgive in those instances? Many of my students don’t think it’s possible. Think about it.